A Blog

I'm into marking up my Bible, so it is so hard for me not to underline just about every line that is printed in red--that is, the stuff that Jesus says. I was reading about when Jesus first met Matthew and says shortly after, "They that be whole need not a physician, but they who are sick." It stings but eases my mind, because I'm thinking about my recent revelation over this spring break that I really have some rottenness at my core. Sometimes my motives and deeds are all bad and perverse--and I haven't made moves, the right moves, to go about doing better. (Don't ask how said revelation came about.) So I just thought "Yeah, I am not whole. At. All."

My thinking at this point in my life is that when Jesus says "he who endures till the end will be saved" he doesn't expect us to get everything right or be flawless, which is what I keep thinking I will do and the facade I keep trying to put up. What I don't think about is if I did succeed in this, I wouldn't need God. (And even the disciples didn't endure everything, they fled as the guards came for Christ. Nor was it for them to endure that...) I need to get over myself. You, self, are not perfect, nor do people view you as such. Stop trying to paint a picture and be about doing, please! So what am I to do when I realize I'm rotten and got work to do? God is my strength and helps me after a fall. And all I can do after a fall is continue in the Way. But as I've said before, I forget and like to take the reins ('cause I don't need nobody, right?).

So, you know after He met Matthew, the text starts going over all the names of the prophets. Here enters Simon the Canaanite. Now, I know I've looked over this maybe hundreds of times. But today--I dunno, maybe with all the hype about immigration, how ethnicity is being dealt with in the presidential campaigns, black and Latino relations, Obama's Muslim heritage--it kinda struck home that Jesus had a Canaanite for a disciple, people whom the Israelites didn't look on favorably. There is just so much to do on our parts to really let down our prejudices; I have so many walls up, I'm walking into them without being aware sometimes. It will probably take a lifetime for me to get the stones out of my eye, before I even reach my brother's eye.

Sigh.

When I read over the gospels, I'm always wondering "What was Jesus talking about when he was having dinner with folks whom the Pharisees thought he shouldn't be eating?" Even though I try hard not to, to some extent I get locked into these ideas of what it is to act in a godly manner, when there is so much expanding I need to do in my own actions ("I desire mercy").

Anyway, I just thought it all interesting. It's good to take a break from what I'm hearing in a sermon and just read and absorb. I mean, we should all prove things for ourselves (and I didn't say that; got it from the Bible). John the Baptist sent his disciples to Christ to ask him if he was "the one who should come or do we look for another." Even John the Baptist needed proof. Nothing wrong with searching out a thing for yourself.

Prelude to A Blog

My journal writing had been waning. I just wasn't feeling enthusiasm for it and had so little time. In the back of my mind, though, I know it remains an important way for me to process my thoughts.

Today, in my Bible reading, a couple of things pricked at me. First, let me mention that I didn't sit down to read until maybe about three o'clock because I woke up about quarter till noon and was on the Internets reading blogs and checking email until about two something. I'm always fidgeting about, wasting time instead of doing something useful on the sabbath. I hate it that this is so; it shows my inconsistency. But it is so. I should start being accountable for making it not so--and in the process, reduce my own guilt.

I've read through the entire section of prophets (a first for me) and am now into the gospels, which I've read. Just like any other part of the Bible, though, there's so much to touch your heart when reading the second, third, or fiftieth time around.

And I'm going back and forth in my head about blogging to share this, but I usually take one or so of my journal entries to blog, so why not? It's part of who I am, and I want to feel free to discuss this just as I might share my feelings on the N-word, pancakes, or annoying siblings (not mine of course! : ) But that's what it is y'all, discussion. So feel free to comment!